I love the idea of an origin story. When I watch movies, I always want to know more about what led up to the story we are watching on screen. In another life, I might be a cultural anthropologist or archeologist. I want to know what happened before we got here.
Maybe you care about what got me here.
I was born and raised in a small college town in Pennsylvania. I was raised somewhat Fundi-Christian. I have two parents that are still married and 2 younger brothers. My parents both worked and it was the 80’s/90’s so I was required to be pretty responsible at an early age. I am your typical oldest child. I fall in order and take instruction well. I work well with others. I don’t produce work at my full potential because I am busy being responsible.
I attended private Christian school Preschool-4th grade, at which point the cost became too great and we homeschooled. Homeschool did not go well and I fell into my first (that I remember) paranoia filled, anxiety ridden depression. It was quite terrifying at the time. I cried and cried daily, driving my parents crazy because we had no idea what was wrong with me. I begged God to take these feelings from me. I was pretty sure I had been possessed by a demon and I needed an exorcism.
I asked my parents to let us go to public school because I needed a distraction from myself. The isolation of homeschool was not good for my mental state.
We attended public school for the remaining years and I met my husband in my Freshman Honors English class. We began dating the following summer and have been together most of the last 23 years. I attended 3 different colleges, finally graduating with a degree in Sociology. My husband joined the Army when he was 17 and because the timing had to be just right, we married during our Junior year if college anticipating his ROTC commissioning at graduation. However, due to injury and several surgeries, he was discharged, sending our lives in a totally different direction. Instead of receiving stationing orders and starting our lives as a married couple, we ended up back home with our parents to regroup. A lot of soul searching happened during this time. I mostly worked with children and loved it, but I knew I could not give my best all day to other kids and come home wiped out if I wanted to have my own children. I took a desk job that paid the bills while my husband embarked on a new degree and career change.
We welcomed our first child in 2008. 16 months later we had our second child. 3 years after that we had #3 and 23 months later #4 arrived. 4 kids in under 6.5 years. It was a bit of a whirlwind, but every second was precious. Especially Since I worked full time and I didn’t spend nearly as much time with my babies as I’d like. I quit working when we had #4 even though we really couldn’t afford it. I have tried many at-home work opportunities, but nothing fit. Our youngest is now 7 and everyone is in school full day (after a year home with me during the pandemic shutdowns).
Over the years, I have dabbled in spirituality in combination with my christianity, but things took a turn for me as our world descended into the dark days of the pandemic. We prepared quite well for the time in shut down and I was happy to have the kids home with me , but I felt almost like I was mourning the loss of how things were. I felt like the old was falling away and I struggled with the unknown. I know many people shared this with me, but at the time I felt very isolated. I self medicated with sugar and alcohol. I sought therapy, but I would count the hours until I could start drinking to numb my feelings. It wasn’t my greatest moment in life.
At some point, I realized I had to snap out of the funk and I decided that I would start yoga again and take time to meditate each day. My mental health has been a driving factor almost my entire life and I had found some peace with these techniques in the past. Every day I would find a video on YouTube until I could piece together routines on my own and I would escape outdoors with my kids for hours. Sometimes even just a quick walk around our house in my bare feet would ground me enough to push forward in dark times.
I began researching more ways to help myself and came across one particular community that was steeped in spirituality and using your gifts in everyday life, yet came across as down-to-earth. That was a turning point for me. I couldn’t afford to get my Yoga teacher training, so I bought the books on the recommended reading list. I read the books which inspired me to investigate more Eastern philosophy and practiced harnessing my intuition that I had been taught to ignore because it was evil.
So much grew from my depression and I knew that I wanted to share it with people . I have always had a desire to share knowledge and help people, but I never knew what it was I was supposed to tell them. I think I found it. I decided that this blog is where I will start telling my story and impart the experience and knowledge I have gained. Life is intricate, but I think if you pay attention to Emotional, Physical, Spiritual and Mental wellness, you will cover almost everything important.
I hope you stick around to read more!
