In a “treat yo self” culture, selfcare has become misconstrued as something special and different to do for yourself – mainly how to spend money to make yourself feel momentary relief or happiness. True self care requires consistency and creates long lasting results.
During the time I was raising 4 very small humans ( I still am, they are just bigger more independent humans…) taking a shower, getting more than 4 hours of sleep and getting to drink a cup of hot coffee was as close to self care as I could find the time for. And to be real, I still felt guilty about those things quite frequently.
Those are not self care items. Showering and sleeping are necessities. Running through the shower, squirting toothpaste in your mouth and living in the same clothes for days is not caring for yourself. There are times when we all live like this, but it is never sustainable because it isn’t good for you.
Over recent years, the self care industry has targeted mothers because we are infamous for our lack of care for ourselves. We feel like every moment counts and it isn’t possible to balance our wellbeing with that of our family. During an emergency situation or those first weeks after birthing a child, sure. It can be hard, but it’s a short season of life. But we should move out of that mode back into something more normal rather quickly. I lived like this for the better part of a decade and my nervous system is still suffering from those years of “survival mode.”
I wish that I had seen a way out-I truly stressed as if everything I did ,every minute that passed was life or death. And all I really wanted to do was vegetate in front of the TV and let my mind blank until I passed out. I already suffered from anxiety and depression, so adding hormonal fluctuations and the demands of parenthood on top was a perfect storm. I also questioned myself constantly. Why could other women do this and make it look easy? How did she find time to fix her hair? She went out for a girls night? How are they out on a date night?! What do you mean you homeschool with a new infant?!
It is true that you cannot pour from a cup that is empty. I was empty, dry and brittle.
On TV, self care seems to look like spending money on material goods, or eating the piece of cake. Do either of those things sound like something that gives your more than brief contentment? It’s fun, it feels good, it tastes good. But does it fill your cup?
Try these 5 ways to practice self care and actually refill your cup so that you can pour into those you love without feeling depleted.
- Practice a regular sleep routine.
4 hours of sleep after passing out scrolling Instagram is not the goal. Good sleep starts earlier in the day than you may think. It’s best not to consume caffeine in the afternoon. Caffeine has a half life of 5 hours, so that means only half of the caffeine you have consumed has been eliminated 5 hours after that cup of coffee or tea.
You also should not watch TV or be looking at your phone, laptop or tablet just before bed. The light that comes off these devices is called “blue light” and it is known to boost attention and reaction times- not exactly what you need to sleep. It also fights your circadian rhythm and suppresses melatonin production. I know of people who dim the lights and turn off electronics as the sun goes down and use red light if they absolutely need something brighter. I’m not saying that you need to take it that far, but reducing your exposure to bright light and blue light at least one hour before you plan to sleep is proven to improve sleep quality.
- Choose to do something that you enjoy or seek a new experience at least once per day. That can be as simple as sitting in the sun for a few minutes soaking up some vitamin D or reading during your lunch break. Doing something you enjoy reduces stress levels and increases self confidence. Whenever I feel that I need to immerse myself in something joyful, I draw or paint. It is something that I love doing and don’t do nearly enough. Another example might be to learn something new, like a skill or language.
- Exercise. There is data and debate on what kind of exercise is best for everyone to be doing. But there is no debate as to whether or not you should be doing something. A brisk walk on flat ground is a great start if you don’t already have a routine. Not only does exercise help to lose and maintain weight, it enhances mood (by boosting the brain’s dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin levels almost immediately!), increases sleep quality, combats disease and can even have a positive effect on your s3x life!
- Meditate. Meditation helps you to relax, eases anxiety, reduces stress levels, helps you to practice focus and concentration and may even aid in the growth of new brain neurons by forming new connections between existing neurons. Even just one minute of deep breathing has positive effects on the mind and body.
- Understand your medical and nutritional needs. Many people have a thing about going to the doctor, especially if they aren’t “sick.” It is important to know about your blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid function, hormonal imbalances, allergies and intolerances, gut health and vitamin levels. For example, the average person is deficient in D and B vitamins, among other things. Ask your doctor for a full workup at least once per year. You can also obtain many tests that you can perform yourself at home. This really should fall under basic care, but so few of us take the time to do it, it really needs to be underscored as something more.
How do you practice self care? Please leave a comment so others can see that it is possible and doable!